WARNING: this post contains no knitting content so if you’re just here for the knitting, move along. Those wanting a glimpse into my psyche, read on…
You see, growing up I never had to watch what I ate. I never had to exercise. I would’ve rather read a book than played a sport. I was more of the creative, artsy type. Not sporty. And thankfully I had a metabolism that supported that lifestyle or else I would’ve been 400 pounds by the age of 18. It was nice going off to college and not having to worry about the “freshman 15” because well, I just didn’t gain weight! Lucky me.
Unfortunately my luck has run out. Over the last few years my metabolism has slowed to a crawl and my weight has been creeping up and up and up. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I consider myself “fat” and anyone passing me on the street would probably not put me in the “weight problem” category but I’m just not comfortable in my own skin these days. I have a closet full of size 2 clothes that I refuse to give away because they are perfectly fine clothes and I want to wear them again!
My “luck” growing up has slapped me in the face and left me ill-equipped to deal with my current situation. I’m having to learn to eat better and learn to exercise. Exercise does not come naturally to me. Most of my life was spent not having to fit it into my day and now adjusting to it is difficult!
Fortunately and unfortunately I married a man who is a natural athlete. I say fortunately because well, he’s nice on the eyes and I’m counting on his athleticism to keep him around to a ripe old age. I say unfortunately because he has absolutely no clue what I’m going through right now. He can’t relate and it drives me crazy because the look in his eyes is almost that of disappointment and it just kills me. It all just comes so easily to him and he can’t understand why it doesn’t for me. He always dated athletic, active women and that is a label I’m not very familiar with.
So I’m taking action. I’ve discovered that when I get home from work the last thing I feel like doing is exercising. I’m exhausted already from working all day! This is why so many past exercise plans have fallen by the wayside. So I’m trying to do my (now required) exercising first thing in the morning so that when I get home from work I don’t even have to worry about it. So far it’s been great! I’ve been up at 5:30 every morning this week and at the gym by 6 for 30+ minutes on the elliptical trainer. I’ve found that I have a lot more energy during the day and it’s nice to feel like I’ve accomplished something before many people have even gotten out of bed.
And man I love the stillness of the early morning. Very few cars on the streets. Birds singing. Everything calm and still. It’s nice to have that time for myself. That time to think about anything I want. And yes it’s HARD to get my ass out of bed that early and leave the warmth of a still-sleeping husband. And every morning I do think about just staying in bed but I can’t. I just don’t have that choice anymore and I have to get used to that.
I really hope that the weight starts to come off. I’m scared to weigh myself for fear that the number will not have changed (or will have changed for the worse) and I would lose my motivation. So the scale sits in the corner of my bathroom taunting me. Hopefully it will become more of a friend than foe in the coming weeks.
My biggest problem is that I’ve noticed a change in my personality over the past few years. From a bubbly, outgoing and independent person to someone who is cranky, introverted and dependent on others. I hate it. I think a lot of it has to do with my physical appearance. I just want to get back to the “old me.”
So wish me luck as I embark on this new chapter of my life. I want (and need) for these to be lifelong changes.
I’ll be back soon with knitting content. I think I’m setting up permanent residence on Sleeve Island.